Leslyn's Lovely Life: Reflecting on the Past Year

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Reflecting on the Past Year

I've spent the past 40 weeks being pregnant. And it's been quite a journey. I figured that now that I'm 2 days away from being induced, I should reflect on everything. Because duh, that's what I do around here.

1. Women who are struggling with infertility need to openly discuss it.
I still remember sobbing every time there was a pregnancy announcement, feeling anger and resentment towards people (especially those who "had no business being pregnant"... Because I was judge-y like that). It was a dark, frustrating, lonely time. I hated it. Looking back on it all, I wish that there was a community of women that I could have grieved with. I think it would have made that time easier. I felt like I was less of a woman because I couldn't do "the one thing women were created to do" (which is a bunch of bull, by the way. Women have a much greater purpose than popping babies out left and right). We need each other. We need that community. So, if you're reading right now and you're walking through this struggle, I want to challenge you to be courageous and speak openly about what you're going through. It will encourage more women than you might think- I know I was surprised by the overwhelming response from women who were struggling with infertility after I shared our story.

2. Pregnancy is not nearly as glamorous as it seems.
Once we finally got that positive test, I knew that I would love being pregnant. The only thing that people told me about was morning sickness... Not once did anybody share with me the other "side effects" of pregnancy. So when those "side effects" started happening, I was shocked, and I thought something was seriously wrong with me. Thanks to the trusty old Google, I learned that things were perfectly normal. Regardless of the normalcy of it all- it wasn't fun or easy most of the time.

3. Strangers will touch your stomach, whether you like it or not.
It just happens. And there's nothing you can do about it. Personally, I didn't care if people I knew touched my belly. But I will never forget the man in Kroger who touched my belly, and I had no idea who he was. You just have to smile and keep walking.

4. People will make insensitive remarks.
Here are some of my favorites:
"You look like you're about to explode!!!" Nope, I'm only 26 weeks pregnant. 
"You're huge." I didn't notice.
"Are you sure you're not having twins?" Positive (this was a nurse who asked me this).
"Oh wow, you're getting swollen." I am?! I had NO idea!
"Pregnancy is gross." Well you know what? You're gross. 
After doing a complete body check "I never want to be pregnant." Wow.

5. You will probably gain more weight than you thought you would.
I was SHOCKED at how much weight I gained. As I've told you before, I will be posting all about that (probably starting in August), and I can't wait to go through that journey with you all. Before I was pregnant, I was judge-y (yet again) whenever I would see pictures of people like Jessica Simpson when she was pregnant. I mean, that girl got BIG (and it doesn't help that she's short to begin with). Well, I know how she feels now. And I regret ever thinking negatively toward any pregnant woman because of the amount of weight she gained. I NEVER ate for two or had midnight cravings, and I still managed to put on more weight than the doctors recommended. Y'all, it's UNCOMFORTABLE being big. I could write a lot more about this today, but I'll save that for August. Stay tuned. ;)

6. It's all worth it.
The weight gain, other weird side effects, and rude people don't matter. Yes, it's been one of the more challenging years of my life. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. This little boy is about to change me in a way that I can't comprehend. I stare at the picture of his ultrasound and think, "I can't believe he's ours." I can't imagine the love that I'm going to feel for him when I'm holding him and looking at him. I'm so ready. So. Beyond. Ready.


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Emily @ Beauty and the Greek said...

LOVED this post today! I've thought a lot about sharing our infertility stuff, but I know my husband wouldn't like it. He's already a pretty private person, and I know he wouldn't like me sharing the fact that we can't get pregnant. He's always been the overachieving type in other aspects of his life (athlete, med school, etc.), so I think he'd prefer me to keep quiet on the whole pregnancy thing.

Anyways, I'm thinking of doing a toned down post. But I'm not sure I can deal with all of the, "It will happen when it's meant to be" and "just relax and it will happen" comments. hahaha

Just a few more days! Good luck!


ashleynicole @ [real life, real love] said...

So excited for you :) Looks like you've learned a lot from your pregnancy! Good luck bringing your little boy into the world!!! :)

Lindsay Ropella said...

Ok girl, your #1 really hit home with me. My husband and I have been struggling with infertility for just over a year now. I'm a very private person, but recently I've wanted to start talking about it with people. It's a tough thing to keep all to yourself. It's kind of crazy actually because I was actually thinking about just that this morning, so thank you.

Kristy Mays said...

So... I love this! We had difficulty conceiving and we're going through the same thing now as we ttc #2. It is a dark place and while I don't have a "group" I can necessarily share with, I have been more open about our struggles. I look forward to seeing your new little one! Congrats!